Pain does not become us.
Over the past decade those around me have experienced unimaginable pain and gone through some of the toughest things I thought were possible. Pain is created through the loss of a parent, loss of a child, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, loss of health, and even loss of ones identity and self-importance. Needless to say, there has been a wealth of pain surrounding myself and the ones I love. Due to life happening and being hard, I have become fascinated by the thought of pain and grief and how to life a life worth living after experiencing something so painful.
A loved one recently told me while sitting in a hospital bed that,
“I have accepted the fact that I will never get past my pain and I need to get used to it…”
My heart broke as I urged to say through the tears that there is a difference between getting past your pain and remembering where you came from. To not get past pain, grief and loss is an unworthy existence no matter what we think or what we tell ourselves.
To “get past” your (fill in the black) means that you are able to live again. You’re able to create happy memories that are very real, not fake and made up memories. It means that you remember the imprint that event caused on your heart, mind and soul but you are creating a better life because of it full of hope, love and promise.
Loved ones around me have re-prioritized and instead of working to get through their pain, they surround themselves with “stuff”. Going out ever day, making plans, keeping themselves so busy that they don’t have time to say, “I’m broken, I’m hurt and I need to get past this”. If you keep moving, you’ll eventually forget that there was a problem.. as silly as it sounds, that’s what we tell ourselves!
what if we took the time to breathe deeply and let go?
Let go of the excuses, let go of the want for control, let go of the pain and actually live a positive life. In every situation regardless of it being related to health, death, relationships, jobs or your self, there is a reason and a possibility to become a better person because of it.
I am reading a book called “The Grief Recovery Handbook” by John James and have read other good books in the past and one of the realities of pain is..
it takes time.. a lot of time.
You cant’ expect to go through something tough and “get over it”, “deal with it” or “get past it” in a matter of a few days, weeks or months. It can take a year or few but it will take infinity if you don’t make an effort to move on and live your life respectful of the situation you went through.
All of this to say, don’t be defeated friend!
Life gets easier, the pain lessens and you will be able to live again. Take the first step which can be the hardest and know that you deserve to move past your pain.. you deserve to be forgiven for everything you’re blaming yourself for.. you deserve to be set free from the shadows.